If she had been still alive, we would have celebrated her 59th birthday today.
Today is a day for mourning.
This was one of the songs we played for her funeral. We played other songs, like Unforgiven by metallica, as well.
I sit in front of my laotop, drinking some beers and some Croatian alcohol, and listening to music now. I am trying to focus on what I should do, but I just cannot do anything.. soooo many memories are coming up one after another, I wish I couldn´t feel anything!
Women in my family don´t live so long… almost all of them passed away before they became 55 years old.
It is said that women in my family experience 3 crisises in their life – around 27 years old, around 39 years old and around 52 years old, and all the women in my family including myself spent their childhood in weak physical condition.
Some passed away when they were 27. Some including my grandmother passed away 39, and some including my mother passed away when they were 52. The woman who lived the longest passed away when she was 67 years old. That´s the longest.
I could survive “crisis at 27”, then next one is “crisis at 39”. I need to prepare myself for that.
When I was 5 years old, my grandmother on my mother´s side passed away, and she was the last one of “grand-something”.. I mean, grandmothers and grandfathers.
Therefore, basically, I cannot understand the feelings which many people have towards their grandmothers and grandfathers. My grandparents on my father´s side and my grandfather on my mother´s side had passed away long time before I was born.
One of my dreams is to take care of the grandparents or parents (or both!) of my husband! I couldn´t anything for my mother and my grandparents. Instead, I want to do something for my husband´s parents and grandparents 😀 I like to talk to those older people, actually. They are respectful and they know much more than I do. I can learn many many things from them!
Well, my husband should be mentally strong, because there is a high possibility that I would die before he dies!! haha 😛
Hmm just take a look at my family history a little bit so that i will not forget about it 😛
(My mother´s side)
grandmother (natural death with alzheimer) / 67 years old
grandfather (apoplexia cerebri) / 67 years old
(My father´s side)
grandmother (leukemia) / 39 years old
grandfather (natural death) / 68 years old
My friend advised me to check the birth charts of my family. According to her, there should be some kind of rules.. well, I don´t believe this kind of thing basically, but let´s do it just for fun…. today is a mourning day for me! I just cannot focus on anything today… all those memories came back to me, just like the flood!
Somehow some of my friends are really interested in horoscope stuff, and they often send me some articles about my horoscope 😛 One of them sent me an Japanese article saying that those who have mercury in Pisces will get some good things related to their jobs and will be able to have good communication with people around them, and those who have mars in Pisces might be able to find a partner finally… in this period (until in the mid of April :P). I know they let me know this for a good reason..because they want to cheer me up.
Anyway, I hope something good will happen to me, because recently nothing good has happend to me!! lol
Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus and Mars
I let my friend know the birthdays of my family members, and she let me know the details.
(Grandma) Sun: Aries, Moon: Pisces, Mercury: Aries, Venus: Taurus, Mars: Aries、Cancer rising
It is said her personality was so intense. She was very calm basically but sometimes she did horrible (but funny) things to others (not to her family) 😛 She had a bad temper. She could not work because of her personality. She easily quit a job 😛 I was a good friend of her when I was a child, but we often tried to kill each other 😛 haha! She passed away when I was 5. I remember her funeral, and I remember that I took her bones after creamation. She was quite short, her height was only 145cm (but average among those Japanese born in this era).
(Grandpa) Sun: Cancer, Moon: Pisces, Mercury: Cancer, Venus: Cancer, Mars: Pisces, Libra rising
He was said to be the most handsome guy in the town. He was kind of an important person in the community, and he took care of everyone. He was always very caring to others, and every time my grandmother did something wrong ouside, he apologized instead of her 😛 It is said that everyone loved him. All the people who knew him say my brother are very resemblant to him. He was quite short, his height was only 153 cm (but average!). He and my mother had been best friends! It is said that he loved my grandmother and my mother the most.
(My Mom) Sun: Pisces, Moon: Capricorn, Mercury: Pisces, Venus: Aquarius, Mars: Taurus, Cancer rising
She was the last born child. She was cute :p She was kind of a problematic child when she was young, but later she became a nurse. She was the only person that completely understood me! She was soooo caring, kind but sometimes very strict. She had a bad temper. Everyone was afraid of her because of that 😛
(Grandma) Sun: Cancer, Moon: Gemini, Mercury: Cancer, Venus: Cancer, Mars: Pisces, Gemini rising
She was chosen as the most beautiful woman in the town many times, and quite famous for her beauty in the town. She had green eyes! She was also good at writing poems, and received prizes several times. It is said that she was very kind, and she was like an angel. She didn´t have a temper, she was always caring, sympathetic. She didn´t look like a Japanese. Actually, in this area, it is not so uncommon to have european ancestors. One of her ancestors is said to have been from Netherlands. It is said that my charcteristics is quite similar to hers 😛
(Grandpa) Sun: Capricorn, Moon: Pisces, Mercury: Capricorn, Venus: Capricorn, Mars: Scorpio, Libra rising
He was said to be really handsome because he was very tall (190cm). He looked like an European. As I wrote above, it is not so uncommon to have european ancestors in this area in Japan. He had suffered from depression for all his life. It is said that after my grandmother´s death, he didn´t care about his life and family anymore, his depression became worse and worse, and he just lived his life with worse depression till his end.
(My Dad) Sun: Capricorn, Moon: Capricorn, Mercury: Capricorn, Venus: Capricorn, Mars: Scorpio, Pisces rising
He is the last born child. He is still alive! He also has a bad temper!!!
(My Mom) + (My Dad)
(Me) Sun: Aquarius, Moon: Gemini, Mercury: Pisces, Venus: Aquarius, Mars: Pisces, Gemini rising
(My bother) Sun: Libra, Moon: Libra, Mercury: Scorpio, Venus: Capricorn, Mars: Scorpio, Taurus rising
My friend once told me that having Mercury and Mars in Pisces and Moon in Gemini really suck.
All I noticed is that there are no Virgo, Leo and Saggitarius in birth charts in my family 😛
Would this mean anything to astorologers??
My friend told me that my family must be very emotional. She called my family “Very emotional and intense family” 😛
When my parents had problems, my mother was the one that had a burst of anger at first and my father always kept slience, which made her much more furious. She often threw things to him, I remember she once threw a big stero to him 😛 haha! Oh she even threw a chair to him! Actually he also had a bad temper, and sometimes suddenly he became furious. In this case, he punched the wall and the wall got a hole. It´s not a domestic violence or something like that. It´s just a burst of anger for us. After this happened, they apologized to each other, and we all laughed. No one got hurt. Just things and walls sometimes got hurt 😛
I myself have never thrown things to anyone. When I get really furious at someone, I become very cold to her. I just say some several things that might hurt her a lot, and stay away from her, and never meet her again.. hihi 😛 but when I get angry, I might break something that belongs to me because I also have a bad temper :p I just hurt my things 😛
Anyway, alcohol makes me feel better, so I rarely get furious or angry 😛 hihi!
Happy Birthday, mom!! 😀 😀 😀